We’re So Dead

After punching a fellow deacon, former boxer-turned-Catholic priest Jud Duplenticy is reassigned to Our Lady of Perpetual Fortitude, a small-town parish in upstate New York led by Monsignor Jefferson Wicks, the grandson of Reverend Prentice Wicks. Duplenticy learns Prentice had amassed a small fortune upon his death and that Jefferson's troubled mother Grace had remained at the church in hopes of receiving Prentice's inheritance. When the fortune disappeared after his death, she ransacked the church and destroyed its crucifix. Jud disdains Wicks' reign over the parish, as Wicks' incendiary preaching has driven away all but his most loyal and corrupt parishioners. During a Good Friday service, Wicks collapses in a closet adjoining the chancel. A knife fashioned from a red devil's-head lamp finial is found in his back, and he is pronounced dead. When the community learns Jud had threatened Wicks and drunkenly stolen an identical finial from a bar the day before, he becomes the main suspect in a locked-room mystery. Police chief Geraldine Scott summons private detective Benoit Blanc to investigate. He recruits Jud to assist him, convinced of his innocence. After Wicks' entombment in Prentice's mausoleum, Jud and Blanc question the congregation. They learn that, in a meeting just before his death, Wicks claimed to have found Prentice's fortune, stating that he would use it to pursue a career in politics with Cy Draven, his illegitimate son, and publicly shame his other followers. Tired of Blanc's dogged pursuit of justice, Jud quits the investigation. Returning to his rectory at night, Jud apparently witnesses Wicks exiting the mausoleum and embracing groundskeeper Samson. He is knocked out while pursuing them and wakes up next to Samson's corpse, believing he has killed him. Blanc stops Jud from turning himself in and takes him to parish member Nat Sharp's house, where they find Nat's corpse dissolving in a tub of acid alongside Wicks' body. The following morning, the police and parishioners convene in the church for Jud's confession, only for Blanc to explain how Nat killed Wicks: he attached a decoy finial to Wicks' matching red vestment and spiked Wicks' flask with sedatives. As Wicks routinely imbibed during service, he passed out and was found with the finial on his back. Nat then feigned examining the body and switched out the decoy to fatally stab Wicks. At this point, Blanc appears to have an epiphany and abruptly declares that he cannot explain what happened. The congregation leaves. Blanc explains that he was inspired by Jud's example to allow the killer to come forward on their own. Martha, the church's longtime secretary, returns to confess: she knew Prentice had converted his fortune into a diamond he called "Eve's Apple". When he took his own life by swallowing it, Wick's mother Grace had ransacked the church in search of it. Martha had witnessed Prentice's final deed but kept silent until her last confession with Wicks. Terrified by the realization that Wicks would recover Eve's Apple from Prentice's corpse, she conspired with Nat to murder Wicks before he could act. After Wicks' death, Martha had Samson entombed in Wicks' place to retrieve and destroy Eve's Apple. After finding it, Samson left the tomb dressed as Wicks, staging a resurrection to preserve Wicks' legacy and the church's reputation. Nat dressed as Samson and waited outside the tomb, but when Jud arrived, Nat killed Samson to keep Eve's Apple for himself. Nat then poisoned Martha's coffee, only for her to swap their cups around unnoticed, killing him. Finally, she reveals that she has taken the poison herself and collapses. With her last breath, she prays for forgiveness from all victims, including Grace. Jud absolves her, before she dies and drops Eve's Apple. One year later, Jud has carved a new crucifix and is about to reopen the church, now renamed Our Lady of Perpetual Grace. Most of the parishioners have moved on with their lives, though a disgruntled Cy, convinced Jud is hiding Eve's Apple, says he will closely monitor Jud's finances for any traces of it. As new parishioners enter for Jud's first Mass, Eve's Apple is seen concealed within the chest of the new crucifix.